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6 Gedanken zu “Über

  1. Hello, I wanted to respond to your comments on close to his edge’s blog, Tasha’s entry about a poly relationship. I am her Master, and have trained her over a period of 1 & 1/2 years through assignments and lessons. We are close in age, 55/57, and were just friends until breakfast one morning almost 2 years ago on Cape Cod. We took our time, spending easily an hour or more just talking and chatting with the restaurant staff and other patrons. Upon my arrival home, I reflected on that conversation. The signs were there of her submissiveness.

    I have been dominant all my life, but in a vanilla world – owner of businesses, married for 18 years, leader and organizer in various fields, including education and hospitality. I called her, and told her of my thoughts. Tasha has not had an easy life. She has had to be in control many times, yet didn’t like being in that position. As she says, I was the first one in her life to let her open the box.

    We live over 400 miles apart, and I am in a very vanilla, intimacy-less relationship at this time, having been divorced for 12 years, have one daughter from the marriage who is now 22 and finishing up undergrad college this semester. If this were to happen in my life, it is now. And Tasha’s, as it turns out.

    We started our dom/sub journey by writing a book, an erotic murder mystery, and still are. It is quite a painstaking project, and we’re in no rush to complete it. It is a microcosm in many ways of our relationship. Both of us like to write, and each of us had started books only to abandon them after time, due to self doubt about the projects, It’s one thing to like to write. It’s another to be a good writer, to entertain the reader and keeping them interested in the material presented. It’s a gift, really. We want to find out if either of both of us have that gift.

    We each joined fetlife and collarspace, ostensibly for research. But it is who we are. Polyamory comes into the picture primarily because of distance. But, while I was married, I had a number of indiscretions, had to lie, be dishonest to my wife and others, yet enjoyed the variety. I was raised Catholic, and was very involved in the catholic church for 40 years. The emotion of guilt is introduced at an early age as a catholic. Now, there are two emotions I have dismissed: Guilt and Jealousy. You ask the question of whether I am worried about losing Tasha over living in a Poly lifestyle. This introduces a totally different dynamic: Self-Insecurity.

    We all deal with the feeling of insecurity in day-to-day lives. Shit happens. What could I have done differently? Why is this happening? Did I cause this?

    Living a poly lifestyle is no different, just more honest. BDSM is maybe 5%, no more, of such a relationship. We live in a vanilla world, and for good reason. Society has to have a relational structure to exist. Could Tahsa leave me? Step out of this existence? Yes. But that happens all too frequently in the vanilla world too. Why? To find a person – and it has nothing to do with one’s sexual orientation – who fulfills your every want, need & desire is rare, and works both ways. Life is full of insecurities! This is the smallest of my concerns.

    A sub/Dom relationship – just as in the vanilla world – has many dichotomies. A man or woman is usually submissive for one of two reasons. 1. It’s simply their nature. 2. Their lives are spent having to be in control, and they don’t want to be for some part of their life. Becoming a submissive, or realizing it is quite liberating!
    Doms are dominant by nature. It is who they are, their inner spirit, often for the good of others.

    A couple of weeks ago I went to a munch, and had the opportunity to break bread with the couple who organized it. They are married. She is bisexual. They are poly. She is his slave, 24/7. This was explained to me, and it all coalesced. It cleared up some of my insecurities about the lifestyle. There is and always will be insecurities in life. Living in a poly relationship removes much of the insecurity and guilt of a relationship. Why?

    Honesty. Trust. Respect. I don’t like to lie. Now I don’t have to. I love Tasha. If she wants to leave, I would support her. That’s honesty. I don’t think she will, any more than she thinks I will. She is free through her submission, and I am free through my dominance.

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